Baby P is not only dealing with a righteous bout of Colic, but she is going through her second growth spurt since her birth. Sister is pert-near 11.5 lbs already!! WHOA! For those of you who have experienced Colic, you can sympathize and no explanation is needed. Imagine the worst of it and throw in a double dose of the same symptoms as a result of a growth spurt. Poor baby has been so fussy lately, we have both been at our wits end trying to figure out how to make her comfortable. On one hand we get to the point where we can't stand the crying and we're ready to plug our ears and let her hash it out. On the other, we are desperate to do whatever it takes to make her happy. It's like loving someone with every fiber of your being but wanting to run the opposite direction when you hear them open their mouth to speak, or in our case, scream.
I cry a lot lately. **Sorry about those late night tearful phone calls Mama.**
It's amazing the insecurity that comes with being a mother. I told Dana tonight that the greatest insecurity I have ever known is solely in the responsibility I have as Penelope's mother. It wasn't until tonight when a good friend pointed out how quickly she has grown in a week's time, that I realized she was in fact in a growth spurt. And OH, maybe she's a crankfest because she is STARVING her butt off and needing more grub to grow!! Pardon me while I kick myself in the face for missing such a cue. I carry the weight of every ache and pain she experiences and I take responsibility for it. Any discomfort that befalls her, I own as if I put it there. I don't know why that is.
I will say this, I have learned how desperately I love my own mother and I'm seeing in a new light how amazing she is. The things I put her through - oh how do I count the ways I abused her. I have such unwavering respect for her and I am so blown away by the way she loves me. I hope that someday I can be the mom to Peanut that she has been to me. If I can be, I know I will have touched a life, made it better, left a legacy, blessed it beyond words.
I love you mom - and in joy or suffering, I will spend the rest of my days trying to show this sweet baby the love you have shown me.
2 comments:
Sweet friend, my heart is with you. Colic makes your ears bleed, I know. And the burden of a mother... I gave birth and was overwhelmed with the desire to apologize to every mother of kids I babysat and my own mother. Repeatedly.
God has given you the tools and strength to do this, and do it well. Part of the "well" is in your humility at how hard it is... and as you "learn" your daughter, it will get easier. Keli Tondre once told me that the days are like months and the months like days when they are this little. It's true! You'll be over the hump before you know it, sleeping through the night and everyone will be more comfortable. Each day is one day closer to a full night's rest!
I love you. What sorts of tips/tricks/tools are you using to encourage sleep and Peanut's comfort?
dearie...all three of you are now added to my night offices. since i can't sleep much these days i pray through offices at night. i totally recommend phyllis tickle if you want short prayers. but for now until you have time to pray i'll do double duty. i love you from afar!
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