Goodnight Kisses

Tonight it hit me.

Tonight, I tucked my sweet babies in and savored the moments of quiet before they drifted off into dreamland. I laid my head on their chests and heard their hearts beating, I thanked God for those beating hearts. I saw my newborn smile in her sleep and stowed that sweet picture away in my heart. My three year old pulled her favorite lovey, "Bananas" in for a tighter snuggle and sighed in comfort. I love that sigh.

Tonight it hit me. Hard.

This week alone, our nation experienced evil that can't be described with words that exist in our language. Evil that broke lives. We saw such a tangible, terrifying and too-close-to-home example of hatred.
There are presents that won't be opened next week. Presents that Moms and Dads thought about and excitedly purchased, anticipating the response those gifts would bring. There are families that will have empty seatings at their tables. Right now, funerals are being planned, celebrations are being cancelled, hearts are hurting.

In my heart of hearts, I can't understand what is happening in our world. I think I'm still trying to piece my thoughts together to make sense of it. I don't know that I ever will. I have hope, great hope that God will redeem this ugliness. I have great hope that my Savior will overcome, I believe that to the core of my being. I have to because if I don't..how in the world can I protect and lead my children? How can I show them their world isn't lost if I don't believe that redemption exists and is tangible through their relationships with the Lord?

How will you react? How will you respond? How will you move forward? How will I?
I choose not to blame gun laws.
I choose not to blame the decision to take God out of the pledge of allegiance.
I choose not to blame politicians.
I choose not to blame parenting.
I blame sin and hate and an ENEMY who is winning by stirring hearts to point fingers and push back on each other. No one wins when we get into a pissing match and try to make sense of such senseless acts. NO ONE WINS. So what will you do? How can you use this absolute devastation for good?

I choose my family.
I choose my sweet friends.
I choose to pursue my Father in everything and start my days looking to Him.
I choose to savor the moments with my girls as they drift away to sweet sleep. I will remember those precious goodnight kisses and hugs.

To quote an awesome blog I was pointed to, "I cannot offer a snippet of Scripture or a platitude to comfort those 20 families, or to comfort you, my fellow believers. The day of our comfort is a future one. All I can offer is to hate my sin more deeply than I did yesterday and to cry out to God for a time when the groaning of this creation gives birth to that which is once again good."

I hope the hurtful events of the last week will stir your heart to consider a positive pursuit. Let us mourn, let us cry and let us find hope for the future.

God is surely alive and these moments are not unknown to Him. He still promises us a future and a hope.

Tonight it hit me, hard. Tonight, goodnight kisses remind me that life isn't all lost, and HOPE brings great light even on the darkest of nights.